Friends for Life…..

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Having a child is something that will change your life and I know it really changed mine, not only did I suddenly have my life turned upside down by this little bundle of joy, but I also discovered that just because I had a child and my life changed dramatically overnight it did not mean that everyone around me would suddenly drop everything and revel in the baby shenanigans.

Being a first time mum was at first a very lonely experience for me, I felt like my life had stopped overnight and suddenly I had just become  a mum, no longer was I the fun daft , a bit to loud and talkative (with a very rude sense of humour) Helen who could be incredibly dizzy and dappy. I felt like my friends had deserted me and that I no longer had a rightful place in my social circle. Why would I, I thought no one would be interested in my tired and sleep deprived baby ramblings. Let alone the fact that I felt like I was a useless mother. I really felt like everything I was doing for C was completely wrong. My poor hubby did not know which way to turn no matter how much he tried to reassure me that my friends had gone nowhere and that whenever I wanted I could go out I would find a way out of doing the thing I most wanted, I made many many excuses to not go out.

My husband was my backbone and the most patient person in the world after my I had my daughter. He was so hands on and just such a natural father things just seemed to be ok when he was around us.

I discovered baby groups when my daughter was 3 months old and this is where being a mum got a whole lot easier. I was so nervous the first time I walked into the room, but the one saving grace was that it was a new group and the session I attended was the first ever one so there was no clique of ladies who had already formed friendships, everyone who attended that day and almost every week after were so lovely. Any new mum who walked through the door at 1pm on a Thursday was welcomed and everyone made the effort o introduce themselves and coo over the new baby in the group. I have to say that the friendly atmosphere was really encouraged by the group leaders they were the same 3 ladies every week and they soon became your friends and could spot the mum who was struggling and take bubba off them for 5 minutes giving them the chance to have a cuppa and a biscuit and a chance to breath.

I went to the group every Thursday for 9 months until my daughter started nursery at 10 months old. The group would break up for the school half terms and the mums I had become good friends with made the effort to meet up. And now 2 years on I still meet with these amazing ladies and we now do it on a Friday. We have been through Pregnancies, losses, upcoming weddings, birthdays, and a triplet birth. We have supported each other through each our children’s milestones and stressed and fretted over why lour kids are not doing things we want them to. I feel so blessed to have these amazing beautiful mummies in my life, they have really supported me through some tough months with C and I feel that they have become friends for life.

Having said this I have in the last 6 months come to realise that my friends who were there celebrating with me when I announced I was pregnant are still there, they never went anywhere! If I phoned them they are still at the end of the phone, they enjoy being around my child, two of them are her god parents. I have realised and appreciated that just because my life has changed due to my child being a cheeky little monkey, theirs has not! They still have to go to work; they have to earn money pay their bills and just because they are my friends they should not be expected to drop everything just because I have a child. In other words they are still my closest friends I still adore them and I should be a lot less paranoid and have belief in my friendships, so what if it is a month or two since I have seen them I know that if I needed them they would be there for me.

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5 responses »

  1. what a lovely post. I completely know where your coming from children do change your life and its so easy to get so wound up in everything to do with babies that you forget that to everyone else the world still goes on, but like you say just because your world has a neww little person in it doesn’t mean your old friendships need to end 🙂

    • SO glad this post has gone down well, i was worried that people would think I was a waffling fool! it is nice that you can relate with the post Thank you for taking the time to comment and read my blog much appreciated ;o)

  2. brilliant!! i havent quite made those connections with outsiders, but being the first of my group of friends to have a baby have tried to suppport mt friends when thiers came alongxx

  3. Lovely. I found it hard when I had my first child as I was the first to have one in my circle of friends (from Imberhorne that is)!! Lucky for me I met some lovely mummies through my ante-natal group and they are still my friends now. I’m loving the fact that my old and closest friends have now had children and we get together regularly. They often comment on what it was like for me becoming a mum without having them by my side. I’m just thankful that I can be there for them now and my children love their little ones! xxx

    • Thanks Sarah glad people are reading the blog as I try to write about things that are close to my heart and I know others will be able to relate to. This was a subject that I know affects a lot of new mums, I really did struggle for a while.

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